Something to tell you
Jeremy,
I do still want to be with you. I really do. I love Travanti. I love him more than I ever intended to in the first place, but it's too late now. I can just up and leave on something that isn't so bad, and often quite good. Travanti loves me... I know he does, otherwise he'd leave me, but he treats me... horribly as far as I'm concerned, and I'm too afraid to be outright with everything I feel he ought to be doing for me. It's not that it's even that much... You understand how to be fair. You know what it's like to be in the gutter and feel that there is no way out. You know better than me. You understand me. I still sometimes think we'll be together again. In fact, I'm so sure that Travanti will leave me, and I know if he does that you'll be here for me. If and when that day comes I wonder if it'll be the same as it was, better, or worse. My feelings for you have faded from what they were- but can you blame me? All that time with no sex, and so much less talk and contact makes for faded feelings - especially when I have a boyfriend to love, and try to hold, and try to tend to. key word: try. I want so badly for things to work out with Travanti - as I've said before, and will likly say again; he is the fantasy I dreamed up, the perfect form, and an intelligent mind. But when he leaves me, I'll try to look through the love and remember that he doesn't understand me, doesn't trust me, and doesn't even want to be around me - and I'll let go. And I'll give you another try.